Can’t Stand Sports? Here’s What You Should Know

As most of you know, I’m a journalism major, which means I have to have a broad understanding of current events. Now, I’m all about current events! Educating myself political and culturally is a pretty good time. In addition to the research I do on my own time, my family and friends help me along. My mom loves awards shows (and especially the dresses), so I’ve usually got that covered. And, in some gender traditionalism, my dad really loves sports.

I do not love sports. I especially do not love watching sports.


I swam in high school, and I enjoy watching the most aesthetically pleasant parts of the Olympics (figure skating in the winter, gymnastics and anything synchronized in the summer). But when those current events quizzes in classes come around, I really struggle when it comes to sports. Because (shh! don’t tell!) they are boring.

So, if you’re like me, to get the yearly briefing on sports, you text your dad a million questions about pro athletics about once a semester. If you’re in my position, I hope that the answers (and my little twists on them) are just as helpful for the next time you find yourself desperate to make small-talk online for the unisex bathroom at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Shout out to Mr. Met!


  1. The Kansas City Royals beat the New York Mets in the 2015 World Series.

The World Series is the baseball one. Baseball is the only sport I kind of follow, because it’s my dad’s favorite. Similarly, the Mets are the only team in any sport I’d say that I favor. I have a thing for their whole underdog vibe, especially considering their extraordinary and multigenerational fan base. I also think their NY on their caps is way cuter than the one on the Yankees caps. Additionally, as a conflict-averse child, being a Mets fan meant that it was way likely for a second-grade classmate to attack you for being a Red Sox or Yankees fan. (Literally calm down, pals.)

How to remember this: Replace “And we’ll never be royals/ It don’t run in our blood” with “And we are the Royals/ And guess what we won.”


2. The Superbowl is next weekend.

  • The Superbowl is the football one. It’s famous for the commercials and the halftime show as well as the football part.
  • This year’s teams are the Carolina Panthers and the Denver Broncos. The Broncos can kind of work in my brain, since there were probably cowboys in Colorado at some point.
  • Carolina’s QB (sportstalk for quarterback, who seems to be the famous one on the team) is Cam Newton. Simple to remember: Cam from Modern Family mentions being a former football player? And Cam probably also likes Fig Newtons, which are objectively the least-appreciated delicious processed cookie.
  • Denver’s QB is Peyton Manning. He has a brother also in the NFL and there’s a picture of him on the windows of some Dunkin’ Donuts locations.
    • Also, one time we were watching a movie in fourth- and fifth-grade Library Club (a not-so-popular extracurricular I was proud to be a part of) and Peyton and Eli Manning were in it telling us not to damage our books and some boys were like “PEYTON MANNING!” but it was mostly girls in the club who did not care, and most of the boys didn’t care either, and I remember wishing it was a famous author instead of some guys holding footballs. They did not know their market for that VHS tape.


  1. The summer Olympics are this coming August in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Like all cities, Rio has a specific host of issues that could impede its ability to host a solid Olympics. These include:

  • Pollution in the bay where some water events like windsurfing will take place—not good, not safe. Officials have promised to reduce pollution in Guanabara Bay by the time the events take place, but who can say if it’ll really happen?
  • Many families being evicted from their homes in order to make way for the Olympic stadium—classism, much?
  • Lots & lots of street crime!
  • The mosquito-transmitted Zika virus is spreading throughout Brazil. It can lead to some serious birth defects; women in northern South America are being told by their governments to delay having kids for a few years, if they can.


4. NCAA football: Alabama beat Clemson.

  • Longhand: For the National College Athletic Association’s football championship this year, University of Alabama’s consistently-successful team (which is called the Crimson Tide #lolperiods) beat the Clemson University Tigers. (Clemson is in South Carolina.) The game was on January 11.
  • This is pretty easy for me to remember because my best friend Cate goes to the University of Notre Dame, which is also pretty into that whole football thing, but her little brother goes to U of Alabama, and she was pissed about this. Also, the Crimson Tide always prevails!
  • Sidenote: The NCAA is that same crew that does March Madness, the college basketball bracket championships, comin’ up in March.
I literally cannot believe that this is still the logo of that team. When will people stop being used as mascots? It’s revolting. They should take one from Mr. Met and just have a guy whose head is a hockey stick.

5. The Stanley Cup happened last June, and the Chicago Blackhawks won! I am including this because ice hockey strikes me as a winter sport, with the ice and all, but the Stanley cup won’t be coming up for five more months.

Hope this preps you at least until the summer– who knows how we’re going ot keep up with the Olympics!


Images via Pinterest, the New Yorker, the Chicago Blackhawks, and